Hetalia: Understanding Sacrifice

Lovino clutched the red gem tightly to his chest, as if it would somehow sooth the pain he still felt there. It was done. He had done it.

He would definitely not regret this.

~

Antonio's breath hitched suddenly, his legs twitching below the hospital blankets. His eyes opened, expression surprised, as he pushed himself up in bed. His toes wriggled at his command and he threw off the covers in amazement. He opened his mouth, to shout to cry, he didn't know; when Lovino suddenly burst through the door.

"Lovi?!" he exclaimed, surprised by the sudden entrance.

"Antonio," Lovino responded. "Your legs; are they…"

Antonio was frozen in surprise a moment longer before looking down at his bared legs. He wriggled the toes again, before bending them at a knee. He reached forward with incredulous hands to feel up and down their length, tears filling his eyes.

"Lovi, they're…they're ok…!" he whispered, gazing at the younger boy. Lovino had a strange expression on his face. A smile, twisted and…expectant? But the expression flicked and was replaced as tears pricked at the Italian's eyes too.

"D-Dammit, bastard…" the boy choked out. "That's amazing!" he yelled, leaping forward to hug Antonio, shoulders shaking. Antonio was too shaken and amazed by the entire experience to realise how strange Lovino's actions had been that day.

~

Lovino looked tired these days, Antonio decided. He had never looked 'perky' in his life, not look his brother full of energy and enthusiasm. But never had he been like this either. Lovino's energy lay in his anger, in snappy retorts and surly glares. Even that had drained away, as Lovino let himself into the house, moving to collapse on the sofa.

"…Busy day?" Antonio enquired cautiously. Lovino glanced up at him and attempted a wobbly smile.

"I'm fine, ba-Antonio. I'm fine," he repeated, curling over to lie on the sofa. Within seconds light snores could be heard. Antonio shrugged and returned to the kitchen to chop up tomatoes and cheese for a quick sandwich. And then there was that. Even despite the lack of energy, the lack of arguing…Lovino seemed to be replacing it with politeness towards the Spaniard, of all things.

Maybe this was Lovino trying to turn over a new leaf? Antonio wondered. Ever since his miraculous recovery from the accident he had been like this. Perhaps it was like a fresh start for everyone.

If he had been a little more observant, perhaps he would have noticed that it was towards no one but him that Lovino's attitude has changed. That the expectant light that dimmed day by day was for no one and nothing but him.

But Antonio didn't see, and the days drifted on.

~

Lovino tried to slip his hand into Antonio's one day, but the tomato loving Spaniard had pulled away, treating him to a sunny but apologetic grin instead.

"Sorry Lovi," was all he'd say.

~

Lovino had become surly again, even towards Antonio. Well, it would seem he was still trying to make an effort, but that effort was becoming more and more strained, some hidden tension in his body making itself known through his attitude.

This was all when Lovino was actually in the other's company that is. More often than not her was either out, or collapsed on the sofa or on his bed upstairs. Once Antonio had for Lovino curled up on his bed, the pillow damp with tears that had leaked from his eyes. Antonio had said nothing, simply covered Lovino with a blanket and slept in the spare room that night.

~

"And she's such a pretty girl!" Antonio gushed to Francis days later, sitting up at the kitchen table, reminiscing about the girl he had bumped into just the day before. "Lovely blonde hair, and green eyes, and- oh, hey Lovi. I didn't know you were home!"

"I just got back," Lovino responded, glaring at Francis before focusing his attention on Antonio. "What…what were you talking about?"

"Antonio has met the love of his life, it would appear!" Francis declared, and the way he leered at Lovino seemed to indicate he understood the situation a lot more fully than he let on. Certainly a lot more than Antonio himself did.

Indeed, Lovino's face had turned pale, and he looked a little sick. "…I'm going to bed," the Italian choked out, leaving without another word. Antonio frowned after him, pouting slightly.

"What's up with him? I thought he'd be happy!" he exclaimed. "normally he loves girls."

"Ahh, but mon ami, it's a matter of what he loves more," Francis told him cryptically, smiling and avoiding any explanation as to what he meant.

~

Lovino spent less and less time at home, and suddenly Antonio was lucky if he even caught a glimpse of him whilst out. But it didn't bother him so much, as he had the wonderful Bel to occupy his time. She was endlessly sweet and understanding, a stark contrast to Lovino's roughness. Antonio was completely enamoured.

~

Antonio saw Lovino with Gilbert one day whilst shopping with Bel. The two seemed to be quite close, standing shouldered to shoulder, talking intimately when suddenly Lovino backed away, voice rising slightly. Antonio stopped to listen, but was too far away to hear.

Gilbert seemed to try and press something towards Lovino, which the Italian vehemently refused, shaking his head vigorously, before storming away.

Antonio approached with Bel to ask what had happened, but was met with the same evasive answers from Gilbert as he had from Lovino.

"Oh, by the way Gilbert!" Antonio had finally said cheerfully. "This is the wonderful Bel! She's my girlfriend!" Bel has blushed prettily and bobbed a hello to Gilbert. He looked nothing but resentful, of all things, causing the smile to fall from Antonio's face.

"You have no fucking idea, do you?" was all Gilbert had said, before leaving swiftly, following in the same direction as Lovino had gone.

That would be the last day Antonio saw Lovino alive.

~

When Lovino disappeared, Antonio found it took over his life. There wasn't a single night he wasn't out searching, wasn't a single day he didn't spend making phone calls and checking of anyone had seen him. He had broken up with Bel, deeming it unfair on her to spend anymore of her time with someone who wouldn't and couldn't give her the attention she deserved.

He had run into Gilbert once more. The albino had looked like he was about to launch into a full-scale verbal assault on the Spaniard, when he got a really good look at his face. After than the Prussian had just clenched his teeth and swept away again, a fist pressed suspiciously to his eyes.

Antonio hadn't bothered to yell after him.

~

Lovino's body never turned up. Antonio learned to get on with his life, quieter than before, with a determination he hadn't quite known he'd had. He'd bumped into Bel once more, and they had shared awkward greetings before parting ways.

Returning home, he found a basket sitting on the side, and was suddenly struck by an old memory.

"Lovi! What are you doing here?" Antonio has exclaimed in surprise. The tanned brunette was standing on his doorstep, looking flustered and flushed, clutching the basket tightly. At that time it had been filled with tomatoes.

"Basta- An…Antonio." Lovino had mumbled, pushing past to dump the basket on the counter. "I brought these…for you…" he mumbled, staring at the ground. Antonio's face split into a grin.

"Aww Lovi, you sweetie! That's so kind of you!" Antonio had cooed, taking the basket and Lovino' arm, leading him to the kitchen. "Is there any special reason for this gift?"

Lovino turned darker, shuffling on his feet and gazing at the floor. "A-Actually…there was something I needed to…" he had started, when suddenly there had been a crash from the front door, and Francis and Gilbert had burst through the door, cheering and whooping.

They had ceased the noise upon discovering Lovino and Antonio in the kitchen, Francis glancing between them and grinning suggestively. "Are we interrupting something?" he cooed, making Antonio laugh and Lovino snarl.

"Of course not bastard! I'm fucking leaving!" the boy had yelled, storming from the room and out the door.

Antonio hadn't stopped him then either.

He wondered what would have happened if he had stopped him.

If he had actually taken the time to listen to him. More often than not, he had himself convinced he didn't know what it was Lovino had tried to say to him that day. But in the early hours of the morning, staring at the ceiling and tracing achingly reminiscent curling shapes, he realised he knew what it was Lovino had been trying to say. What he had always been trying to say.

But now of course, it was far to late.

And Antonio would never have the chance to win back the boy who had loved and lost everything for him.